Contract or Covenant?

If you look up the words contract and covenant in Webster-Merriam's online dictionary, one word is used to describe marriage, while the other is not. Can you guess which one? If you said contract, you're right. Furthermore, Merriam-Webster gives examples of recent online uses of each word, and sadly, NEITHER word is used in the context of marriage. It is not surprising, however, considering how many people view marriage as unnecessary or easily dissolved. 

For those who do take marriage seriously, what is the difference between a contractual marriage and a covenant one? In 1996, Bruce C. Hafen, a leader in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints said this:

"When troubles come, the parties of a contractual marriage seek happiness by walking away. They marry to obtain benefits and will stay only as long as they're receiving what they bargained for. But when troubles come to a covenant marriage, the husband and wife work them through. They marry to give and to grow, bound by covenants to each other, to the community, and to God. Contract companions each give 50 percent; covenant companions each give 100 percent."

Elder Hafen described three kinds of "wolves" that will inevitably test all marriages:

• Natural adversity

This includes things like not being able to bear children, financial struggles, and severe illness or injury.

• Each person's own imperfections

Selfishness, impatience, being critical, and being judgmental are examples of this wolf.

• Excessive individualism

A common example is found in the expression, "the ball and chain," referring in a derogatory way to the bonds of marriage as burdensome. Or, it can go in the other direction. Instead of seeing marriage and family ties as important, some believe that no one really belongs with or to anyone else- the ties that bind are unnecessary. 

To protect against these wolves, we should:

• Face the adversities of life together with faith.
• Be unselfish, kind and patient with one another, recognizing we all have imperfections to overcome.
• Recognize and appreciate each other's unique qualities as individuals, while at the same time valuing the bonds of family ties.

Elder Hafen sums it up this way: "May we restore the concept of marriage as a covenant, even the new and everlasting covenant of marriage. And when the wolf comes, may we be as shepherds, not hirelings, willing to lay down our lives, a day at a time, for the sheep of our covenant (Hafen, 1996).

I have seen examples of couples who have heeded this counsel, and those who haven't. You can guess which couples were happier, and recognized the difference between a contract and a covenant. Which do you choose?

References
Hafen, B. (1996, November). Covenant Marriage. Retrieved from    https://byui.brightspace.com/content/enforced/360707-Online.2018.Winter.FAML300.05/Course%20Files/Covenant_Marriage_Hafen.pdf?_&d2lSessionVal=Ndjyg0CkoEYbkzK24pF8cuM9n&ou=360707