If you want more fun, friendship, romance, and joy in your marriage, one thing you must leave at the door is PRIDE. Now, I'm not talking about the sense of happiness you feel when a loved one accomplishes a great task, overcomes and obstacle, or shows maturity in decision-making. The kind of pride I mean is the kind that competes, and wants to be better than someone else or have more of something, or wants to be right, no matter what. You know, when you and your spouse are having a disagreement, and you KNOW you're right, so you don't give up or give in. You close off your mind and heart to what your partner might have to teach you. Dr. H. Wallace Goddard, quoting Jonathan Haidt, put it this way:
"Each of us thinks we see the world directly, as it really is. If [others] don't agree, it follows either that they have not yet been exposed to the relevant facts or else that they are blinded by their interests and ideologies. . . Everyone is influenced by ideology and self-interest. Except for me. I see things as they are" (Goddard, 2009).
Ezra Taft Benson, President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints from 1985-1995, gave a remarkable address on the subject of pride to a worldwide assembly in April of 1989. He said this: "We are tempted daily to elevate ourselves above others and diminish them. . . Pride is a sin that can readily be seen in others but is rarely admitted in ourselves."
In order to have happiness in marriage, we must allow ourselves to be influenced by our partners, as outlined in the book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, by Dr. John Gottman. Pride often gets in the way of this important concept, if we aren't careful. Allowing ourselves to be influenced, or in other words, taking into consideration our spouse's thoughts and feelings, is a way to show esteem and respect for each other. It is a way to recognize each individual's point of view in a situation, and find a compromise that is agreeable to both. In order for this to happen, we must show the OPPOSITE of pride, which is HUMILITY. We can't point the finger of blame at our spouse- humility is, in part, the ability to take a hard look at ourselves and see what we need to improve upon and change in our own behavior. As a Christian, I believe the only way to be truly humble is to turn my life over to my Heavenly Father and my Savior, Jesus Christ. Humility in this sense is a "whole-souled acknowledgment of our dependence on God" (Goddard, 2009) He has the power to help me recognize pride in my life, and can give me the strength to turn away from it. I love the scripture found in the Book of Mormon: 
Here are some questions to ask yourself to see if you are humble and allowing yourself to be influenced by your husband or wife:
- Do I show genuine interest in my partner's opinions?
- Do I learn a lot from my spouse, even when we disagree?
- Does my partner feel that I value what he or she says?
- Do I show my spouse respect even when we disagree?
- Do I think my partner usually has good ideas?
- Do I want my spouse to be influential in our relationship?
- Do I take the time to listen to my partner?
If you can answer 'yes' to most of these questions, then you are on the right track- keep it up! If not, then a little work is in order. C.S. Lewis summed it up this way:
May we have the courage to seek God's help in being humble, so that pride has no place in us as individuals, and in turn, no place in our marriages.
References
Benson, E. T. (n.d.). Beware of Pride. Retrieved February 28, 2018, from https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1989/04/beware-of-pride?lang=eng
Goddard, H. W. (2009). Drawing heaven into your marriage: eternal doctrines that change relationships. Cedar Hills, UT: Joymap Publishing.
Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2015). The seven principles for making marriage work. New York: Harmony Books.
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