Who's got the power in your marriage? Do you and your spouse share it as partners, or do you struggle over it? Who wins most of the arguments? Who gets their own way most of the time? If you answered that you, or your spouse tends to dominate, what can you do to equalize the balance of power in your relationship in order to have more joy in you marriage?
Here are two key things to remember, as taken from an address given by Richard B. Miller, the director of the School of Family Life at Brigham Young University:
- The marital relationship should be a partnership. One spouse should not dominate the other.
- Husbands and wives are equal, though they have different roles and responsibilities.
One way to equalize the power in a marriage is to hold a family council. This is a process by which a couple can come to a decision about something. It starts with the issue at hand, which each person should take the time to think about, and come prepared to discuss. At the appointed time and place, the couple can come together, start with a prayer, and express love and appreciation for one another. Then, they counsel together about the issue. One person speaks while the other simply listens, without interrupting. Then, the other spouse speaks. Each person should "strive to feel the manifestations of the Spirit concerning the item being discussed, which may necessitate a change in their feelings and thoughts in order to be in harmony with the entire council" (Ballard, 1997). After hearing each person's point of view, they can then discuss any further concerns, and then, if possible, come to an agreement. If no agreement can be reached that both husband and wife feel good about, then the matter is tabled until another council can be held.
As Elder Henry B. Eyring of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles said, "Our Heavenly Father wants our hearts to be knit together. That union in love is not simply an ideal. It is a necessity" (Eyring, 1998). He reminds us that if we are not finding harmony in our marriages, then we need to look to our own individual hearts. "The Holy Ghost remains with us only if we stay clean and free from the love of the things of the world. A choice to be unclean will repel the Holy Ghost. The Spirit only dwells wit those who choose the Lord over the world. . . A unity which comes to a family. . . softened by the Spirit will bring great power" (Eyring, 1998).
Power in marriage is not something that should be fought over, but should be sought in unity to build a happy relationship and bring joy to the family.
What can you do today to bring more harmony and unity to your relationship and equalize the balance of power in your marriage?
References
Ballard, M. R. (2012). Counseling with our councils: Learning to minister together in the church and in the family. Salt Lake City, UT: Deseret Book.
Eyring, H. B. (1998, May). That We May Be One. Ensign. Retrieved March 26, 2018, from https://www.lds.org/ensign/1998/05/that-we-may-be-one?lang=eng
Miller, R. B., PhD. (2008, March 28). Who is the Boss? Power Relationships in Families. Speech presented at BYU Conference on Family Life in Brigham Young University, Provo. Retrieved March 26, 2018, from https://byui.brightspace.com/content/enforced/360707-Online.2018.Winter.FAML300.05/Course Files/Rick Miller-Power.pdf?_&d2lSessionVal=7ZxoTcGD9akiB5bJpCc9bEPYF&ou=360707
Ballard, M. R. (2012). Counseling with our councils: Learning to minister together in the church and in the family. Salt Lake City, UT: Deseret Book.
Eyring, H. B. (1998, May). That We May Be One. Ensign. Retrieved March 26, 2018, from https://www.lds.org/ensign/1998/05/that-we-may-be-one?lang=eng
Miller, R. B., PhD. (2008, March 28). Who is the Boss? Power Relationships in Families. Speech presented at BYU Conference on Family Life in Brigham Young University, Provo. Retrieved March 26, 2018, from https://byui.brightspace.com/content/enforced/360707-Online.2018.Winter.FAML300.05/Course Files/Rick Miller-Power.pdf?_&d2lSessionVal=7ZxoTcGD9akiB5bJpCc9bEPYF&ou=360707
Ballard, M. R.
(2012). Counseling with our councils: Learning to minister together in
the church and in the family. Salt Lake City, UT: Deseret Book.
Eyring, H. B. (1998,
May). That We May Be One. Ensign. Retrieved March 26, 2018, from
https://www.lds.org/ensign/1998/05/that-we-may-be-one?lang=eng
Miller, R. B., PhD.
(2008, March 28). Who is the Boss? Power Relationships in Families.
Speech presented at BYU Conference on Family Life in Brigham Young University,
Provo. Retrieved March 26, 2018, from
https://byui.brightspace.com/content/enforced/360707-Online.2018.Winter.FAML300.05/Course
Files/Rick
Miller-Power.pdf?_&d2lSessionVal=7ZxoTcGD9akiB5bJpCc9bEPYF&ou=360707
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