True Fidelity

Physical intimacy is a crucial part of marriage. It can and should be a beautiful expression of love between husband and wife that strengthens the bonds of marriage. When people think of infidelity,they think almost exclusively of the physical relationship. However, this is not the only way to be unfaithful to your spouse. In an article by Kenneth W. Matheson, a professor from the School of Social Work at Brigham Young University, he describes two other forms of infidelity: emotional and spiritual.

Emotional Fidelity
"Fidelity includes refraining from physical contact--but that is not all. Fidelity also means complete commitment, trust, and respect husband and wife. . . Emotional infidelity. . .occurs when emotions and thoughts are focused on someone other than [your] spouse. . . it occurs gradually--often imperceptibly at first. This is one reason why those involved often feel innocent of any wrongdoing" (Matheson, p. 14, 2009).


For example, if you find yourself confiding with someone of the opposite sex at work, instead of talking to your husband or wife about the issue, you send personal emails to that person, or you go to lunch one-on-one with that person, you may be on the path to emotional infidelity. While of course it is appropriate to cultivate friendships at the workplace, you must be careful not to put more value on those friendships than you do on your relationship with your spouse.

Spiritual Fidelity
In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, as well as many other faiths, solemn vows are taken when two people wed. In the LDS faith, couples make serious commitments called covenants in sacred temples. "Spiritual fideltiy causes us to consider the sacred covenants we have made. . . and how the very nature of our thoughts and deeds can undermine those covenants. . . If a person is unfaithful spiritually he or she is not honoring temple covenants even though [no] physical acts of intimacy [have been committed]" (Matheson, p. 15, 2009)

If you're unsure whether you have crossed the line into emotional and spiritual infidelity, here are some questions Professor Matheson asks you to consider:

• Are you turning to your friend for comfort rather than turning to your spouse?
• Do you find yourself thinking about your friend even when you're at home/
• Do you seek opportunities to be with your friend even when work doesn't require you to be together?
• Do you email and text your friend when you're not together?
• Have you told your spouse about these messages?
• Do you compare your spouse to your friend?
• Would you be uncomfortable introducing your spouse to your friend?

If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, you may need to think about whether you are dividing your affection for your spouse. Be honest with yourself, and make any changes necessary to bring you back to full fidelity with your spouse. This may require some open conversation with your husband or wife, or even a visit with your bishop or spiritual leader. If you are unwilling to take these steps to become spiritually faithful, you  may find yourself on the path to physical infidelity, otherwise known as adultery. 

Make your husband or wife know and feel that they are the most important person in your life by the way you treat them face to face, and also in your thoughts when they are not with you. I am grateful to my sweet husband, who tells me all the time the nice things he says about me to his co-workers. He is in a profession where there are more women than men, and he has always been open and honest with me when he has interactions with them. 

Be true and faithful to the promises you made when you married, and you will find joy here and hereafter.

Reference

Matheson, K. W. (2009). Fidelity in Marriage: It's More Than You Think. Retrieved March 23, 2018, from https://www.lds.org/ensign/2009/09/fidelity-in-marriage-its-more-than-you-think?lang=eng